This week

"In our culture it is very popular to seek truth.  It is not popular to find it."

This week is my favorite week of the year.  I haven't made very many Easter traditions for our family yet but Luci is old enough now to have some fun traditions.  Obviously we will do an Easter basket and egg hunt but I'm looking for other personal traditions.  Do you guys have any fun ideas for me?  

Hope you all have a fantastic Sunday!

Happy Ending

And now for the ending to the story I started this weekend.  Here is Part 1 if you didn't read how it started.

I was so relieved that a thyroid problem was all I had to worry about... remember, no giant tape worm eating my insides.  My levels were so crazy that we were having a bit of trouble getting my dosage and type of medication right, but each month with a new dose and change from Armor to Levo we were getting closer and closer to that happy range.  In the meantime we were starting to get the itch.  You know the one.  Luci is getting older, we are getting older, and my internal clock was going off once again.  

We started trying for our second baby.  (Don't you hate it when people tell you they are trying.  You're probably like "I know what you're doing!!")  When we "tried" with Luci it didn't take much.  I mean I literally went off birth control and then we were pregnant.  Kyle felt a little ripped off if you know what I mean!  

After we had been trying for quite some time I started to get nervous.  I decided to go ahead and see an OB that has experience with the beginning stages of fertility testing.  It seemed that I was the epitome of fertile myrtle.  The only thing that wasn't perfect was my thyroid levels.  At that point he recommended that Kyle get tested as well.  To any man that has had to do this, I have to laugh.  I did have a little sympathy for the awkwardness of it all but seriously, do you know what I have had done to me!??  A little alone time in a creepy room is NOTHING in comparison.

Without going into too much detail (as if I haven't already lol!) we were not given happy news.  They basically told us we had a 5% chance of getting pregnant without intervention.  The first step would be a few rounds of IUI at only a 10% chance with each try.  Then if that didn't work we would move on to IVF.  After a lot of discussion and prayer we decided this was not for us.  We already have a BEAUTIFUL biological child.  I have had the amazing experience of being pregnant, giving birth, and breast feeding. 

After a serious process of mourning I picked myself back up and decided to get excited about something else.  Adoption.  I have several friends that have/are going through the process so I felt like my resources were endless. I spoke with a friend who had done an international adoption, one who is in the process of doing a domestic adoption, and another one who has adopted several kids through the foster to adopt system.  

After a LOT of discussion and prayer we decided that our hearts were really pulled toward the foster care system.  Obviously this route is scary.  You may have several kids in and out of your home before you get one that is yours forever.  When I really thought about it I knew that I could love these kids for however long they were in my home.  I knew I would be heartbroken to have to say goodbye to ANY child but that the good was outweighing the bad.  If ANYONE is considering this route please feel free to contact me.  I have some AMAZING resources that will answer any question, no matter how scary, with no judgement and TONS of knowledge.  Trust me, I asked her some doozies and she brought up some things that really sent my head spinning.  

Anyway, this was around December.  My friend told me about a class that was starting in March and our plan was to start the process then.  Well, I finally felt at peace and even a little excited about what God had in store for me.  Wouldn't you know it the very next month I was SICK.  I had the flu for 2 weeks and was miserable.  My husband had invited some friends over to watch the Broncos playoff game against the Ravens (let's not relive that horror) and I was feeling pretty good, but definitely not perfect.  As I was getting ready for everyone to come over it hit me.  I ran upstairs, peed on a stick and stared at it in disbelief... Pregnant.  I could practically hear God saying "You can tell everyone to take that 5% chance and shove it up their A@$, I'm in charge in this house."  

Coincidentally my doctor called me the next day to give me my latest blood test results.  This was the first month in a year and a half that my TSH levels were not only in the NORMAL range (between .4 and 4) but they just so happened to make it all the way down to the IDEAL range for conception (between 1 and 2).  Now, this isn't why we were given a 5% chance, but to me, this was just another way God was showing just what he could do. 

 Now, Kyle was full of funny reactions but my favorite was, "I demand a recount."  To be honest I was a little surprised by my reaction.  I was ecstatic of course, but a part of me was sad.  I had really gotten excited about the foster to adopt process.  It was like I had mourned a loss, and then celebrated a new plan, and then mourned the loss of that plan all while celebrating what I thought was my original loss.  Did I loose you there??  Yeah, that's about how I felt.  

Now that the roller coaster has slowed (a bit) I am just in awe. Maybe Kyle's test results were misread, maybe getting my thyroid hormones in order bumped us into pregnancy land, maybe the tape worm eating my insides decided to leave, or maybe getting my mind off of fertility and on to adoption relieved the stress.  I don't really know.  What I do know is that I have talked to countless women who have gone through this.  Some with great results and some with not so great.  I can't explain why this all happened (and neither can my doctor) but I can tell you that when I finally found peace with our prognosis God showed up.  He was always there, he was just waiting for me to slow down and listen.  

So there you have it.  The real reason I have been absent.  Here's to hoping my "flu" goes away soon now that I'm in my second trimester!  I told you this story had a happy ending:)

Perspective

I have been absent lately.  Not just from this blog but from life in general.  It is for a good reason, or should I say the best reason possible. Let me start from the beginning.  

Let me preface this post by saying I am sharing this story because it has changed my perspective on things and I know there are TONS of women who can relate. I have found countless people who have been in this situation.  It seems like more people then not to be honest, and knowing I wasn't a freak of nature made it a little easier.  

It all started when I was pregnant with Luci.  She was small throughout the pregnancy and I wasn't gaining enough weight.  She was healthy and so was I, we just needed some fattening up.  I was on a diet of shakes, french fries, and cheeseburgers but I only managed to gain 20 pounds... and it was work!  I lost the baby weight fast too.  Like super fast.  A month after having Luci I was back to my pre baby weight, but it didn't stop there.  I chalked it up to breast feeding, stress, and a SWEET metabolism. I basically thought I was one of those women that all other women hate.  You know the one, that girl that can eat cake every day and still manages to loose weight.  I wasn't going to complain.

Well, when I quit breastfeeding after Luci was 9 months old and continued to loose weight I was a little confused.  I mean, I literally hadn't seen the inside of a gym in a year and I was now 20 pounds under my pre baby weight.  You guys, I was literally 105 pounds.  That is not pretty, let me tell you.  About a year after Luci was born my sister (a P.A. and concerned family member) came to visit me.  She took one look at me and said, you look like CRAP!  That week she convinced me to go see a doctor.  Reluctantly I made the appointment.  After alleviating the obvious fears of cancer, lupus, a HUGE tape worm consuming all of my calories, the doctor diagnosed me with Hypothyroidism.  Yep you heard me right.  HYPO not HYPER. I know this is counter intuitive.  One of the symptoms of hypothyroidism is usually weight gain.  Well, my numbers were off the charts.  The normal levels of TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone)are between .4 and 4.  Mine was 34.  Apparently when most people are diagnosed with this their levels are slightly high, not 34. The Dr. explained that after Luci was born, and possibly during pregnancy, I had developed HypERthyroidism.  During the year after she was born it continued until my thyroid just quit.  It had enough and up and quit on me, leaving me with HypOthyroidism.  This explained the weight loss and why I was still SO tired even though Luci was sleeping through the night. 

Apparently this is a pretty common thing.  Tons of women develop hypothyroidism after pregnancy.  The good news, some of the times the thyroid goes on vacation and then comes back.  It just one day decides it is ready to work again.  This isn't the case with every person but I can keep my fingers crossed.  Meanwhile, it just means a small pill every morning and $4 a month. There is no threat of death, or my hair falling out, and it sure as hell beats a huge tape worm in my stomach.  I was relieved to say the least.

Unfortunately and very very fortunately the story doesn't end there.  Part 2... and the BEST part comes next.  

I would like to state that I am not a medical professional.  This is just my story.  I am telling it because it is a happy one with a VERY happy ending. I have met countless women in my shoes that don't get the same results.  Mine is just a story of hope... and maybe a little bit of faith:)